the confusion of study

There is this ongoing anomoly in my life.  I have the greatest desire to learn and to study, and I’ve been doing it almost consistently since I was a 3 years old.  Even my 5 year undergraduate degree wasn’t enough for me – I studied Japanese at community college at the same time and after one year off I am back studying again for my Masters.  I have learned so many amazing and wonderful things, and it has made me a more interesting and considerate person.

However, I have this problem with assessments.  I don’t really mind the idea of exams and assessments because its good to get concrete evidence of learning and knowledge.  More than that, it is an opportunity to test limits.  But I think I reached my peak around the time of the HSC (end of high school) and I can’t get back that dedication.

Right now I have a 3000 word report to write about the localisation of food production.  This is something I am deeply interested in, and this is reflected in this blog, when I wrote about the Sydney Food Fairness Alliance months ago.  I have spent time and money reading about local food movements and even getting involved personally.  Yet the minute I have a date by which to write 3000 words on the topic, all I can do is everything else in my life.  I want to knit, I want to cook, I want to clean, I want to call my friends, I want to spend time with my sisters.  What I do not want to do is write 3000 words.

I’m not sure how to get back my assessment mojo.  I don’t want to give up study and I really would like to get my Masters degree.  For the amount it costs me, I need to be more dedicated.  But I feel worn out and burnt out.  I think that getting some study leave from work next year will most likely help, and give me relaxing time as well as study time.  But I can’t shake that feeling that I am just not doing enough.

So how has this happened?  I am not sure.  I hope I get my writing and assessment mojo back by Wednesday, because I’m only 600 words into this report and its due by 5pm.    On that note, I’ll try and get to a decent 1200 words before bed tonight (and I’ve just written over 400 in this post – so what on earth is my problem?)